Sober House 2, ep. 6: Gutlessness

Haha, when I said I was dropping the show last week, did you believe me? No, I’m doing to the show what it does in treating addicts: pretend to be all serious but not follow through one iota. So…here I am watching another episode. Damn it. I just screwed myself.

The “last week on” part is awesome. For the last two weeks they’ve been replaying Tom Sizemore’s awesome line, “I’d take the beatin.” If you missed the context, here’s what happened two weeks ago. Tom got up in Mike’s face. Then he sat down and lit a cigarette, seemingly to calm down. He tells Mike that if someone ever got in his face like that he’d fight ’em. Then he adds, at full volume, “I’d take the beatin.” So whenever Tom has someone in his face, he fights him and gets his own ass kicked? It’s just…man, I wish my friends watched this dumb show. Do you have any idea how much I want to use, “I’d take the beatin” in every context possible? If your answer is, “more than wanting an air car,” then you’re wrong, but very close.

At morning meditation, Jen G. says chores need to be done. She reads them the riot act. She hates them; they hate her. That’s just morning meditation. In an asylum.

Mike and Heidi rag on Jen G. We cut to Jen G. walking around and it’s not clear if she hears them or if it’s just manipulative editing. Meanwhile, Tom spills a container of cereal (not a box but one of those sissy plastic containers) on the kitchen floor and then leaves. Jen G. finds it and cleans it up. This is actually some nice editing since it contradicts (some of) the things Mike and Heidi are blasting Jen for.

Dennis is going to court for a domestic violence case. The community service he was doing wasn’t labor intensive enough, so the judge throws more at him. Afterwards, Drew has a one-on-one with Dennis. Drew shows footage of Dennis as a drunk. Not only doesn’t Dennis want to see it, we don’t want to see it. We’ve seen it over and over for most of Celebrity Rehab; now it’s rehashed for Sober House? Make the show a half-hour if you can’t fill 60 minutes. Dennis exasperates Drew, but finally opens up a little bit about how he needs to play the Dennis Rodman character to cope with difficult situations. The difficult situations he’s referring to are women throwing themselves at him. It’s hard work being Dennis Rodman.

Mike Starr, nutjob

Mike and Jen G. fight about him not cleaning his room. He’s like a little kid and the back-and-forth is monotonous. “Clean your room.” “I’ll do it later.” He puts his arm around her at some point which she does not like. Then he rides a bike around the small deck. If I was on camera, I’d be staring directly into it. I’d read the line, “he rides a bike around the small deck,” pause, turn my head to the camera and tilt my head–just slightly–to one side. Tool would be screaming, “Flush it down!” in the back ground. Aaaaaaaaand…scene.

Mike and Jen G. go at it for nearly 10 minutes of air time. Jen G. kicks him out. Sorta. I mean, he leaves and Jen G. says he’s kicked out but it’s all weak. Then Jen G. makes the critical error of justifying her actions to the other housemates. Do you think Patton rushed into the Third Army barracks like, “dudes! I had to kick Rommel’s ass. It was there. It needed to be kicked. So I kicked it. Right? Are you with me? Right?” No. He’d say, “I am Alexander the goddamn Great reincarnated. I will run my tanks around the world until they run out of gas, and you will either thank me or paint my armored divisions with your blood.”

Will tracks Mike down. They meet at a coffee shop. Mike is a completely different person now: nice and talkative, because, you know, he’s psychotic.

Group session with Drew

They all pretty much trash Jen G., especially Mike and Heidi. Dennis doesn’t say anything, and Jenny K. is the only one who sticks up for Jen G. The group raves about how much they like Shelly and Loesha over Jen G. Drew reminds everyone that Jen G. is not professionally trained like Shelly and Loesha are (also, the sky is blue). Bob Forrest kinda sorta throws her under the bus and calls her co-dependent. It’s not that she isn’t, it’s just that Drew and Bob should not be hashing out this behind Jen G.’s back to the whole damn group.

Next, Drew meets with Jen G. and defends Mike for the most part. He sends Loesha to the house for backup, Jen G. is in tears, and boy do I wish I recapped Tough Love: Couples instead of this.

To the next episode: Moneylessness, or back to the episode guide.