Celebrity Fit Club 7, ep. 8: The Crucible

Week 8. Harvey’s putting the Fit Clubbers through the Crucible, the Marines’ grueling rite of passage for newly trained recruits. It’s serious. The CFC version, we know, will not be.

They dig out MREs under piles of hay, pull down tent supplies from a tree, and dig out a walkie talkie buried on top of a mountain (just a hill, really). Blue Team gambled that they should leave their packs before climbing the mountain (ahem, hill) to find their walkie talkie. Mistake, because they end up having to go back, grab their gear and climb the same mountain (ahem, hill) again. Tanisha falls behind and then falls down. Her team either didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice. They go on without her, but Red Team reaches the camp first.

Before wolves can feast on her huge immobile carcass, Tanisha is taken to the hospital, and Harvey is pissed that Blue Team didn’t go back for her. The wolves are also pissed because they could’ve eaten for two months solid. Harvey’s right about not leaving Tanisha behind, except that see has had a history of being Queen Dramarama…um, and also, it’s Celebrity Fit Club not Celebrity Warzone (which I would definitely watch). Sebastian is fed up with her because he kept going back to carry her pack, but Harvey doesn’t like his attitude. Sebastian digs toilets for dead weight duty. Afterwards, Harvey has a heart-to-heart with Sebastian about patience. I’d like to see a Sober House/Celebrity Fit Club crossover. Harvey could spend the hour screaming at washed-up addicts making them dig toilets.

Sebastian, having learned zero humility from his talk earlier, walks several miles back to barracks (in the dark) to bring back booze. He, Nicole and Bobby drink. Harvey wakes them at 3am. First team to pack up their gear and bring it back to the barracks has the option to skip morning PT. Red Team wins, but somehow left their tent with Kaycee and have to go back to get it. “F-bleep you,” says Nicole when they do. She has such potential to be the villain of this show, but with one episode left, it’s not gonna happen.

Tanisha is lying in her bed when the Fit Clubbers return. She’s dislocated her patella.

5:30am, PT.

Although they earned the option to sleep in, Red is there. Harvey has brought a bronze star-winning Green Beret to take them through PT. Bobby Brown is hungover and pukes his guts out. Some of it is projectile puke. Some of it is that coming-up-from-the-pit-of-the-stomach puke. What I’m trying to say is it’s all the colors of the puke rainbow. Meanwhile, Star dislocates her shoulder and everyone is more or less miserable.

Weigh-ins.

Tanisha 220 lbs. -3 lbs.

Shar 131 lbs. -2 lbs.

Kevin 204 lbs. -6 lbs.

Bobby 187 lbs. -2 lbs.

Sebastian 205 lbs. -4 lbs.

Nicole 122 lbs. +0 lbs. “I don’t know, like, I dunno.”

Kaycee 173 lbs. -5 lbs. Nicole half-heartedly apologizes for the FU to Kaycee.

Jay 221 lbs. -6 lbs. He lost more weight than his entire team combined.

Blue Team is winning. Kevin is still in the overall lead. Next one is the season finale. It’s funny because while the contestants have been losing weight, I feel like I’ve been losing brain cells. Go figure.

To the season finale or back to the episode guide.