Holiday Gift Guide 2009: Medieval Banquet

Huzzah and muhalo. When you hunger for a meel fit for a king, you should eat a meal fit for a king. England’s own Apex Catering offers authentically prepared medieval banquets for groups even exceeding 500. This isn’t a froofy renaissance fair crapfest starring folklore majors who haven’t showered since their junior year. This is the real McCoy (or Plantaginet, as it were).

This is a feast. You eat with a dagger. Wenches are included in the banquet package. I’ll say that again. Wenches are included.

In-between courses, they serve a remove, which is a small dish to cleanse one’s palette like crystallized fruit, and a subtytle, which is some kind of surprising dish (and let’s be honest, when it comes to medieval times the fact that the food isn’t covered in maggots is surprising). If you desire, they will cook a whole roast ox. If I could I would choose to have a small number of guests and we would gnaw on the ox for an entire week or at least until the ale ran out.

My god, they even present you with a mighty vessel of salt. Woe betide the commoner who sneaks his paws into my salt vessel.

King or not, this is a fine gift. Be warned, however, that the prices are steep and small pox is extra.

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