Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla

Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla. Heaven in a bowl.

If you take Heaven, put Xanadu on top of that, and then stack Hyperborea on top of that, you’d have ChocoNilla.

Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla is the newest version of Rice Krispies. It debuted about two years ago and is inexplicably hard to find. This is odd because it is the single greatest addition to the cerealverse since milk.

Take Cocoa Krispies. Good cereal. Solid chocolate taste. No problems there. Okay, you with me so far? Do you remember Frosted Rice Krispies? Basically a box of sugar pretending to be rice? Oh, mama, I loved it too. Take some Frosted Rice Krispies and add a splash of vanilla. Now add that to the Cocoa Krispies. Add three tablespoons of sugar. Now add the rest of the box plus whatever sugar your neighbor has. That is ChocoNilla.

It. Is. Awesome. The sugar crystalizes on back of your teeth so you can taste it three days later. After my first bowl of ChocoNilla, I thought I was dead. I was looking around for Archangels and little baby Jesus as if Heaven were a colossal cereal bowl.

I found a dusty, half-eaten box in my cabinet from a year ago, and it’s still awesome. Well, no, it has a cardboard aftertaste, and now I have a painful gurgling in my stomach. But it’s still better than Wheaties.

The only thing wrong with this cereal is the name, Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla. I call it CocoaNilla for short. That’s the better name. That’s the name they should’ve used. That’s the only name I will call it.

Added bonus: If you have silver fillings in your teeth, just one box of this cereal will dissolve enough enamel that you can remove the silver quite easily for sale on the open market. Happy silver mining!

Back to the 2009 Cereal Awareness Month celebration.