I formed a grand campaigning army for the mighty Spanish Empire. “Muy, muy caliente!” was our battle cry. North Africa shuddered under our footsteps. I swatted Portugal too, just for kicks and because they probably deserved it. Damn Toreadors. After lightning blitzes through Egypt, Jerusalem is finally in Christian hands.
I got nervous when the French, despite our allegiance by royal marriage, wantonly declared war by blocking my ports. Smelly, wine-swilling goons! I dispatched a courier to settle the matter peacefully, but lo! They laid siege to Pamplona. This is not the way to conduct a supposed alliance. As a lesson in etiquette, I burned down Marseilles.
Despite my taking the holy city in the name of a papal crusade, His Snootiness is still on my case about the damn French. I am recruiting Cardinals as fast as I can. Once that geezer dies, the papacy will be mine.
Continue to part 2.
(Played on Medieval: Total War 2)
Your #1 source for vomiting robot dinosaurs. Since 2005.
[…] I like to chronicle dumb tales played out in historical strategy games, but I do. It started with a Spanish Empire campaign in Medieval: Total War 2. Please don’t contact me about how such and such would […]