Espana (the tilde was hanged for heresy against the Church) has beaten back the savage Mongols. It took many years, several Spanish generals fell, and my allies did nothing to aid their comrade under duress, but my plucky Iberian armies have bravely pulled through. After rebuilding Antioch, I sacked the whole of Anatolia. I don’t even remember the names of the empires, but they were spelled funny and had sent far too many Imams trying to convert my loyal Christian subjects to Islam. Very tedious.

“Live under a perpetual Christian monarchy or die!” was our battlecry as we marched towards Constantinople. I conducted a massive pincer movement, ferrying a large army to mainland Europe while I fended off Byzantium’s preemptive strike. Somewhere along the lines, the auto-win conditions kicked in. I had the choice to continue, but I had grown tired of mimicking a Spanish accent. Scotland had soused the Brits. Denmark ate up the Holy Roman Empire. Everybody on the southern side of the Mediterranean was eating arroz con pollo. Jerusalem became the bullfighting capital of the world. With Constantinople now under siege, I decided to hang up my Instigator Stick.

Next up, I try England (just one part). Also check out a Europa Universalis campaign.