American Idol: Semi-finals round two: girls (2/28)

What's going on behind that curtain?

by Frank Pittarese

The girls are cued up on the stairs, looking much better than the boys, as a whole. Generally, they seem to grasp the concept that they are appearing on television, and, as such, it's best not to appear homeless. Seacrest, in a lovely lavender shirt with a dark purple tie and matching jacket, gets things rolling. "Last week the girls were hailed as the stars of the season...the competition is wide open once more. Who will win your votes? This is American Idol. "

Post-credits, it's the usual drill. Seacrest high-fives all the girls. Judging from their positions on the stairs, performances will begin with Gina and end with Sabrina. They quickly run past the camera. There are no major stand-outs, although Melissa is cute as a button and Antonella is wearing a nifty go-go girl outfit.

The judges are introduced. Randy thinks the boys "brought it" last night, so the pressure could be on for the girls. Paula says the girls are ready and they look gorgeous. Simon says the girls need to give themselves an identity.

As we saw last night, the contestants will be dedicating their performances to the people who have inspired them. This serves the duel function of filling airtime with useless fluff, and creating major sob story potential -- always a good way to get votes. They who cry the hardest shall get the most calls.

Gina Glocksen is indeed first. She's dedicating her performance to her boyfriend, Joe. He has been her rock throughout the whole Idol process, and even dyed a red streak in his hair to match Gina's.

Gina is dressed in a formal, silky red dress. What, no corsage? Maybe she left it in the limo. The dress doesn't match her personality or the song she's singing, which is Heart's Alone. I dislike that band and I dislike this song, so Gina's not scoring points with me. She's okay at the start, but when she hits the big power ballad chorus, she's in way over her head and just resorts to shouting. Yelling, even. Gina sounds like she's being mugged.

Judges. Randy likes her song choice because "that's kinda where you belong." As we saw last night, this week's secondary theme is "stay in your box." He thought the song started pitchy and got better. To that I say huh?!? And wha?!? Paula says Gina did an excellent job. Simon liked the song choice, but thought her vocals felt forced at the end. Yes! He also thought she was edgier than the image she's presenting. "She's not dressed edgy." Again, yes! Randy and Paula mouth off over this, but Cowell is right. You can't come out dressed like a prom queen and sing this song. It does not compute.

Alaina Alexander's performance is "100 percent" dedicated to her mom. Momma Alexander is supportive and attended auditions with Alaina. Alaina is happy to have her.

She sings Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks. At times, she's off key, and at others, she's just plain straining to hit the notes. Alaina makes intense faces, like she's trying to pass a stubborn fart.

Judges. Randy says when she went for the chorus, the tuning and the pitch just went away. "It was a mess," he says. Alaina scrunches up her face and goes, "Really? " like Randy is kidding around. Paula says Alaina's pitch was a little bit off. Simon says her performance was like Randy taking part in a hundred meter sprint. He'd run out of steam. That's what happened to Alaina. Then Randy and Paula start doing the "you look amazing" thing, which is exactly what someone in a singing competition wants to hear.

LaKisha Jones dedicates her performance to her adorable grandmother. We see Gram at auditions, pushing her walker and joking around with Seacrest. "My grandmother is in luv, L-U-V, with Ryan Seacrest." There's not an old lady who doesn't love him. He's like a Hummel figurine that you just put on a shelf and dust occasionally.

LaKisha's taking the Midnight Train to Georgia, and her performance is far less shouty and emotional than last week, which is a slight letdown. I think expectations are just too high. Vocally, she's terrific, so I can't put my finger on why I'm not loving this. I just wanted more...something. Attitude, maybe.

Judges. Randy thought she started rough, but turned it around. "That was hot!" Paula loved it and she loves LaKisha. Simon thinks she's a phenominal singer, but she needs to start acting like a big star. He found her outfit distracting. I don't think he wants to say this out loud, but it's a bit off-the-rack. And the shoes are hootchie. Then a whole dialogue breaks out between Simon and Seacrest about whether LaKisha's poncho-like top is orange or salmon. Take it to the Bravo network, fellas.

Commercials. I love the way the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is called TMNT. As if it'll make anyone who sees it less embarassed to say that they did so. It's like when New Kids on the Block changed their name to NKOTB. I don't think they fooled anybody.

Melinda Doolittle dedicates her performance to two of her closest friends, who she calls her "Gayles," after Oprah's non-lesbian-lover buddy, Gayle King. One of Melissa's Gayles is her vocal coach, and the other is her stylist. "If I don't have help, I would be out here lookin' a hot mess," she says.

She sings My Funny Valentine, which is another one of those songs that I just can't stand. But strangely enough...probably because of the arrangement, but also because it's Melinda...this is good. Really good. She knows when to tone it down and when to belt it out. Every note is perfect. She doesn't move all over the stage because she doesn't have to, and her face is so expressive that she completely holds my attention. Excellent, Melinda. Excellent!

Judges. Randy says that was unbelievable, and that Melinda's the one to beat. Paula thought it was astounding and she loved it. Simon says it was incredible. "For me, without question, the best vocal we've had through the competition." Then he mentions having "some precocious little monsters on this show" but likes it that Melissa doesn't know how good she is. She's a breath of fresh air. He doesn't think she'll change -- and I hope she doesn't -- but let's check back in about six weeks, eh?

Antonella Barba is dedicating her performance to her Matthew McConaughey-ish brother, Vincenzo. He's a musician (and, according to his MySpace page, a male model and body builder, which...no), they're close, and she misses him. "His support means everything to me."

Antonella, as I mentioned, is dressed in a mod little outfit: a funky one-piece deal with a retro green, white, and yellow pattern, and short skirt. I expected her to come out and do an up-tempo These Boots Are Made for Walkin' sort of thing. But no. She's singing Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me, which is as far from Nancy Sinatra as you can get. Antonella needs to see a locksmith immediately, because she has lost all her keys. She is a tuneless wonder. Worse, she has zero stage presence and exhibits no discernible personality. She just stands and sings like a Fembot with a broken voice modulator.

Judges. Randy says she's a drop dead beautiful girl, so we're already going to that place. "That song was completely the wrong song, way too big for you, pitch was all over the place." Paula says Antonella "made leaps and bounds" since last week. Simon thought she was worse than last week. That was when she sang Aerosmith's Don't Want to Miss a Thing, and missed all the notes.

Antonella says she'll listen to Paula's "criticism," because "Simon was wrong about Jennifer Hudson." Simon goes on about how America voted Jennifer off and how he didn't kick her out -- as if the judges weren't at least 80% complicit in directing viewer response. Regardless, Antonella is a big honkin' fool.

Commericials. William Hung is singing (or whatever it is he does) in an advert for Hollywood Tans. Guess there's hope for Antonella yet.

Jordin Sparks dedicates her song to her younger brother T.J. He's her "other rock," besides her parents. In her clip reel, she loses her shit. "You're standing up there and you're in the spotlight, and you have somebody who supports you so much, you just wish that they could have the same thing." In a nutshell, she loves the kid to death. It's a very sweet moment.

She sings Christina Aguilera's Reflection. When I heard this the first time, I thought it was pretty bad. Watching it again, it's not a disaster. Jordin gets off to a good start, but the song gradually slips away from her. Her voice is shaky and not even close to what we've seen from her thus far. But really, it's not till she hits the big note at the end that it's really noticable.

Judges. Jordin is already in tears as Randy points out that she got really emotional after watching the clip reel about her brother. He says Jordin had some pitchy moments, but he's impressed at where she is at the age of 17. Paula says Jordin is a brilliant, talented girl who will be around for a long time. Simon agrees that it wasn't her best, but compared to other people, it was excellent. He's also very supportive. "Someone asked me earlier, 'What should I do?' Just do what you did. Sing well." This is all very interesting to watch, because here's Jordin, having not sung her best and crying a river -- but watch what happens later, when Haley is in the same situation.

Stephanie Edwards will dedicate her performance to her parents. They pushed her to audition for Idol -- Stephanie did not want to go. But she went, did her best, and she's thankful to her parents because she's here today.

She's singing Beyonce's Dangerously in Love. If there's a song in there, I can't hear it. It's a hundred lyrics going twice the speed of the music. Outside of the chorus, it's a rhythmless mess. That's the song. Stephanie is a little better than the song. She looks like a star, in a long white dress that reveals a bit of leg. And when she's singing the actual musical parts of this number, she sounds great. But the rest of it -- most of it -- is this crazy R&B-meets-Stephen-Sondheim patter, and it's too difficult to follow, let alone enjoy. Mind you, there are probably thousands upon thousands of people hearing it, going, "This is my jam! " I am not one of them.

Judges. Randy says she sang her face off, but it was a little Beyonce-light for him. "Don't worry about copying her." Paula thought she was fantastic and brilliant. Simon agrees with Paula and--what just happened?!? Rewind. Yes. Simon just agreed with Paula.

Leslie Hunt is dedicating her song to her dead grandfather, who was very supportive of her singing career. He was very proud of her and a big inspiration.

She's singing Feeling Good by Nina Simone. Wait, how do I know this song? Oh yeah, A.J. sang it last night. Leslie starts off great, acapella-style. The middle part of the song is pretty straightforward. She doesn’t vamp it up, like A.J. did, which is probably for the best, because there's no way to match that level of fabulous. Things take a turn, though, when Leslie launches into a crazy-ass "boody-bop" scat section. It's just awful. This skinny white chick is going Ella Fitzgerald all over this song, the end result of which is that she appears to be suffering a stroke. Plus, Blake Lewis is sitting five feet away, and this is something he excels at. I like Leslie, but this was a misstep.

Judges. Randy likes that Leslie returned to her jazzy thing, but her performance was on the pitchy side. Paula says she was back in her element. Simon says Paula loved it because "the bit at the end sounded like Paula talking." It's funny because it's true. Calling her "Lez," Simon says she's doing the best she can, but not many people will remember it.

Haley Scarnato is dedicating her song to her ridonkulously hot fiancé, Bobby. In her clip reel, she says he's not there tonight, but I spotted him in the audience about an hour ago. We're not given the details of how that came about because The Show wants Haley gone, and the less colorful her life is, the less votes she will get. Anyway, he's supportive (and hot), a great guy (and hot), and Haley can't wait to marry him (because he's hot).

She sings Whitney Houston's Queen of the Night like a firecracker. She's working her ass off to get away from last weeks Disney-on-Broadway vibe and does a great job, as far as I'm concerned. This is a world apart from her previous performance. Well done!

Judges. Randy immediately starts complaining about how "there are more background parts than lead vocal parts." First of all, I just watched it for the second time, and that's profoundly untrue. Secondly, in the past, other contestants have chosen background-heavy songs and been praised for it. So shut up, Randy. "Vocally, it wasn't on point." I said shut up, Randy. Paula says it was leaps and bounds better than last week. Simon gives her an A for effort, but says her performance was manic, and she shouldn't have taken on a Whitney song.

Haley is already crying at this point. I can guarantee you that when she was singing, she thought she was doing a good job. The judges negativity was the last thing she expected to hear. What galls me is that she did do a good job, but The Show needs certain people to be in the Final 12, and Haley is not among those people. So the judges will sabotage her at every turn, until she's gotten rid of. This is nothing new. Watch the show for more than a season and you'll know what to look for. It's just bad behavior on the producers and the judges parts and something that can never be proven because, in the end, it's America's votes that count.

So Haley cries, and gets absolutely no support from the judges, unlike Jordin, who did. Hell, Jordin's crying even excused her moderately weak performance. Ryan is great, apologizing for not having tissues handy, and asking about Haley's well-being. But as far as Randy, Simon, and even Paula are concerned, Haley can go hang. It's a crime.

Sometimes I feel like that that guy at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, running around in traffic, yelling that the aliens are coming. But seriously, if you watch this show, keep an eye out for what's happening underneath it all. Because not a thing transpires that isn't carefully planned from the start. If The Show really wants somebody gone, it will happen, and because of the way the game is structured, nobody, aside from the voters and, ostensibly, the contestants, for their "poor performance," will be held accountable.

Whew!

Sabrina Sloan dedicates her song to her 86-year-old grandmother, who we see in photographs wearing the most incredibly over-the-top hats and outfits. She's a walking episode of Project Runway. Sabrina tearfully tells us that Grandma has been in and out of the hospital. "Her presence in my life is really important."

So the last song we'll hear tonight is Whitney Houston's All the Man I Need. Sabrina, like many of the girls tonight, looks like a star, and she wails on this song. There's something sharp about her voice at times...piercing, I guess...and the final note goes wonky, but the good far, far outweighs the bad. Girl can sing.

Judges. Randy says she lost touch with the pitch at moments, but her performance was very nice. Paula says she was fantastic. Simon advises Sabrina not to confuse power with shouting, and that she shouldn't compare herself to someone like Whitney. Here's a thought: take the Whitney songs off the list of choices. Then no one will sing them and offend your delicate ears. Simon adds that Sabrina came off younger and more refreshing last week, but she'll be back.

After the numbers recap, Seacrest reminds us to tune in tomorrow, when 20 become 16. Who's going home? Of the guys, Nick is likely to leave, along with...hmm...I'll say Brandon. Sanjaya should go home, but he's got a lock on the teenybopper demographic, and Sundance is too much of a character. Of the girls, I'm think Alaina has had her sixteenth minute of fame. We've seen the last of her. And possibly...probably Haley.

See ya in twenty-four...
--Frank