Lost Dynasty

by Wootini

I know that Koei keeps churning out those Dynasty Warrior games left and right, even though they never seem very different to me, but I've never actually tried to play one. Something about the combination of war strategy and ancient Chinese history was kind of a turn-off. (Can't imagine why...) But when the GBA version entitled Dynasty Warriors Advance (they're clever with the titles that way) fell into my clutches, I thought I'd throw it into my GBA — well, my DS, now, since there's an extra cartridge slot for the GBA games letting you store two games in one unit &151; and check it out.

So it turns out I was right to avoid these games. Now, granted, I'm sure the console versions are much more elaborate, with their shiny 3-D graphics and CGI cutscenes or whatever, but I expect the basics of gameplay are pretty similar. And even if they're not, this is a review of the GBA one anwyay, so whatever. The graphics are pretty standard for the GBA. Not too ugly, but a bit sad next to PSP and even DS titles. And the GBA has never been known for its sound quality, so don't expect much there, either. But maybe somebody can explain why I'm controlling an ancient Chinese warlord in battles that are set to generic heavy metal tunes? Basically, Dynasty Warriors Advance is a strategy beat-em-up. I find strategy games to be too complicated, and beat-em-ups to be monotonous and dull. So guess what I thought of DWA? Three guesses... first two don't count.

I knew I was in trouble when after slogging through some menus and choosing a main character to play as, you have to then sit through a series of text screens detailing the historical tale behind this particular battle. I guess that means they're based on real history? Even so, I doubt that the real warriors were forced to take turns as they moved one space at a time over a maze-like battle area until they encountered enemy forces, at which time they go into battle by themselves. You're leading forces that you never see. It's just you, chosing which way to move, and then beating the crap out of the opposing forces who swarm around you until they die. Only the bosses offer much of a challenge, and even then, not so much. The music is monotnous, the beat-em-up gameplay is monotonous, and the strategy parts are tedious. In one battle, another warlord on my side needed help, but he was too far away for me to bother with, so I left him to his own devices while I tried to fulfill the main misson. And do you know what happened? Nothing. He was fine. So what was the point of asking for help?

Ah, I've wasted too much space on this one already. Suffice it to say that I'm sure there's an audience out there for these games (or else Koei wouldn't be able to sell their constantly multiplying sequels), but I'm not it. But hey, if this is the sort of thing you go for, then now you can enjoy it on the go!