Pikavision

Attention Television Network Executives and Squirrels: Coming next fall, a new television show--nay!--a new television experience that will rocket you so far into unconsciousness that you won't wake up until it's over. And then you'll have to watch it again. In syndication. With more commercials. It's "Squirtle and Pikachu: Armed, Loaded and Pissed."

Pikachu, seen here in a production still, was reportedly furious over his second billing in the show's title.

Pikachu was modified by a writer friend of mine (who has an unhealthy obsession with the collecting of militaria), while I decked out poor innocent little Squirtle myself. Pikachu is armed with his trademark Luger pistol (at least I hope it will be his trademark Luger pistol. Damn, we gotta get this show off the ground, people. Someone call NBC.). If the action gets real hairy, he's got a shoulder slung AK-47 to answer any pesky questions (and to badly mix metaphors). These are from bbi or Dragon 12-inches I think. Note the markered eyebrows. Yeah, he's big, he's bad...he's yellow! Squirtle's got some random mid-run G.I. Joe guns that can't be found in any NATO or former Warsaw Pact field manuals. Nevertheless, he kicks more ass than an...ass kicking...machine...or something. Like maybe a hamster wheel with sneakers attached to the outside spokes. That'd kick a little ass. If it were on a table. You know, maybe yay high--at about ass height.