Jazz, Autobot

Do dwa diddy dwap bibaddy bop, scoobaddy skee bop

by Dave McAwesome

Jazz. America's only original music, next to jug bands and the glorious orchestral leaf-harmonica compositions of the Native Americans.

Jazz transformed into a Eurotrash Porsche, which failed to impress the Autobot ladies because there WEREN'T any Autobot ladies...until later when some retard thought it'd be a good idea to give a child's toy line about transformable warring robots a sexual identity. They gave the female robot, Arcee, a bust, okay? Robot mammaries. Makes you think that all this time you've been staring at naked robot testicles. It's just...it's just...icky and wrong.

Jazz is pretty forgettable. He was voiced by Hong Kong Phooey's Scatman Crothers. Scatman had some sort of semi-notable music career that prompted suburban white kids who watched Sanford and Son to shout, "mommy, who dat crazy black man?" Such was the state of ethnic diversity before the golden age of hip hop, yo.

Jazz is doubly forgettable because there were like 15 Autobot Eurotrash cars that looked damn near identical. Mirage, Red Alert, Prowl...god they were awful. They transformed like crap. They looked like rejected prototypes. Like most Generation 1 Transformers, they couldn't move their legs independently. Just garbage.