Response to Hugo Moped

Less mystery, less adventure.

by Dave McAwesome

Dearest sir,
I thank you for your letter of January the 28th. I read it breathlessly and with much excitement. Your computerless quandary reminds me of my poor, poor pet mongoose. He had no iPod and would wither in the corner as I mocked him justly. "Moreover and to the point," I would scream, "Your paws are too clumsy for the delicate machinery of this delightful Apple wizardry!!!" Oh, how he'd weep! What delicious fun!

I searched my author's database and came up with no "Hugo Moped" on my current payroll. As a result--and in direct consequence of said searchings--I shall hereby and forthwith call you by your new moniker.

I have procured--by a means not befitting for this electronic communique--a P.O. Box that can receive all manner of olde fashioned paper missives. If this is to your convenience, you may send via post (or donkey) to:

Dave McAwesome
PO Box 164
New Hyde Park, NY 11040

In the meantime, I suggest you obtain a computerized interweb device--perhaps from Dell or via amateur organ donation--so that you may continue to enjoy the world's finest home videos of crazy wicked skateboarding accidents.

I look forward to your next correspondence. I will continue to store VHS tapes of Gilmore Girls reruns until you are able to purchase a TV set large enough to appreciate those two shining princesses of the tube.

Excelsior,
Dave

PS. I look forward to future tales of your exploits and adventures.

PPS. I lied. I do not have an iPod. Fortunately my (now ex) pet mongoose didn't know this, and I'll thank you not to tell him.

PPPS. Your Canadian lima beans are the most scrumptious in all of North America. Please send two dozen cratefuls to my customs agent in Northern Minnesota. The codeword is "hot pockets." He'll know what to do.