H&R Schlock
by Dave McAwesomeIf this were in the New Yorker (RAG!!! *cough* sorry), I'd say something like, "From our Grossly Inappropriate Department," because that's what they do, those hacks. Or maybe "From the Department of Tastelessness" or "Department of Poodles" or "Department of Tasteless Poodles," which, one imagines, are devoid of taste because it's hard to find Frank's Red Hot sauce in those New Yorker-subscribing upper West Side apartment-mansions.
Regardless, those unpleasant people likely haven't seen H&R Block's new advertising campaign. It seems good ol' H (I should note that R was highly opposed to this initiative) has introduced a scratch and win game at H&R branches. It seems you go in with your receipts and income checks and fines for poodle-kicking on the upper West Side and H (or, more reluctantly, R) will give you a scratch and win ticket to, say, double your tax refund or perhaps cover your poodle fines. It sounds fun. And if there's anything that needs a nice, big infusion of funitude, it's the tax preparation industry...and baseball. God, baseball is boring.
I hope other industries will follow suit. Fortunately, the good people at McPants Funeral Homes already have. Maximum Awesome has obtained a copy of the McPants scratch and win card. Pretty spiffy.
Before posting, I used my brother and Team Awesome non-contributor Greg McAwesome as my own personal test audience. It did not go well.
Greg: I like it. Maybe you could make it so when you click or pass the mouse over the scratch squares...the writing appears underneath. Don't know how hard that would be.
Dave: Oh, sure, and then I can make it so that when you scratch off a piece, you get a unicorn. Jeez, I'm not an interweb magician! Or a unicorn breeder!
I believe my original email was more exclamation-point-centric. But perhaps you understand my frustration. Greg's response was both encouraging and discouraging at the same time, like a misguided father at a little league game, "That's great son, I'm glad you had fun out there, but next time it'd be mighty fine if you scored 12 runs and pitched a shut-out." And so I apologize to you, dear reader, for failing to incorporate an interactive function on my little McPants graphic. And for not plying you with free unicorns. Sorry.
