McAwesome Guide to G.I. Joe

...and Cobra, Destro, Dreadnoks and all that crazy ninja stuff

by Dave McAwesome

What was supposed to be America's elite fighting force battling a ruthless, world-wide terrorist organization eventually devolved into purple combat vehicles, javelins, boxing gloves and Sgt. Slaughter. Elite? No. Modern? No. Best Dressed at the office Halloween party? In the bag, without a doubt. In. The. Bag. What happened to the coolest toy line on earth? You'll get an idea as you peruse the guide.

• The origin of G.I. Joe toys.
• War on the Floor - Action figures battling on my living room floor. These annual exploits often feature G.I. Joes and Transformers.

• G.I. Joe, a real American hero
  • Breaker - communications
  • Cover Girl - the hotness
  • Duke - First Sergeant
  • Gung Ho - marine
  • Hawk - the general
  • Heavy Duty - the poop
  • Ripcord - the guy who got way too much ink in the comic
  • Roadblock - fulfilling mom's chocolate fantasy
  • Shipwreck - sailor
  • Scarlett - covert ops
  • Snake-Eyes - ninja
  • Stalker - 82% of all Joes' codenames begin with 'S'

• Cobra Command, the Enemy
  • Baroness - intelligence
  • Cobra Commander - the leader
  • Destro - Weapons manufacturer and supplier
  • Dr. Mindbender - mind control and dentistry
  • Serpentor - the Emperor
  • Storm Shadow - Arashikage clan ninja
  • Zartan - Dreadnok leader

By the way, the material on this site does not in any way, shape or form intend to challenge or infringe on the rights holders of any of the characters and intellectual property. That should be pretty obvious, guy. All of the characters, brands and icons are trademarks of their respective parent companies. This site is a humor, satire and parody site, so just frickin relax.