Serpentor

The Cobra Emperor

by Dave McAwesome

I covered the salient points about Serpentor in my Cobra Commander entry. Lessee...he's a tool..."This I command!" nonsense...awful fashion sense. Hm, what about his title?

See, Cobra Command was founded by Cobra Commander and built via pyramid schemes by a growing network of covert operatives (mostly normal everyday folk who needed something in their lives...something strong with a negative message in order to blame their problems on an outside source). It is not an empire. Hence, there can be no emperor, as Serpentor claims to be. Moreover, he was created in a lab. He has no legitimate filial claim to the throne even if there were one.

I totally empathize with Cobra Commander's bitterness towards Serpentor. Here's this douche who comes out of the test tube dressed--literally--like a snake and immediately takes over. I'd be pissed too. Serpentor earned nothing. Yes, his genes hail from the likes of Attila the Hun and Napoleon, but he didn't actually do any of the things they did. He could be a great leader or strategist, or he could be a total arrogant prick (which he is).

The Serpentor figure came with an air chariot thing. As far as toys go, this wasn't very exciting. Personally, I think Serpentor's cape would've gotten caught in the vertical turbofan, but hey, that's me...I don't wear cumbersome duds to a firefight...I'm crazy like that. I wished they had just re-released the H.I.S.S. tank again. I missed that the first time around. (I never got to own one. Poor me.) Serpentor's filecard mentions he is the work of a cabal of scientists under the direction of Destro and The Interrogator. In the comic, Dr. Mindbender was the key man. See the Dr. Mindbender entry for more on this.

Let's talk fashion. Cobra Commander is a pretty savvy dude, fashion-wise. He made blue the new black. He revolutionized headwear. He even has a retro side to him by bringing back the bandanna face mask. Serpentor? A golden snake suit. Not a snake-skin suit, mind you. A snake suit. What, every day is Halloween now? Nossir. Cobra is so named because the organization will coil around the world like a giant snake. It's not literal. Dumbass.

The fashion pantheon, in order, is:
1. Helmut Lang
2. Giani Versace
3. Cobra Commander (and the only reason C.C. slipped to third is because of a weak showing at the recent New York Fashion Show).