Cobra Command

The Enemy

by Dave McAwesome

Cobra started out small. In 1982, the sum total of the enemy Cobra forces consisted of Cobra Officer and Cobra Soldier. Cobra didn't even have a vehicle, an old Chevy or even a Big Wheel. They didn't even have a leader until the Cobra Commander mail-in later that same year.

Cobra Commander began his reign of terror as a used car salesman. He subsequently began a pyramid scheme which built a large network of everyday people. His philosophy against government involvement in the daily lives of ordinary folk paints him as a likely militia member in the American midwest. That psychological trope must be bogus, however (apologies to Larry Hama, but you screwed up a little here, sir). Cobra Commander's goal was nothing less than total world domination. He's a wanna be dictator. The government doesn't get any more in the face of the average citizen than in a dictatorship. I suspect the Commander simply didn't want government to interfere in HIS life. This is a very successful human being in terms of creating capital and manipulating people. Like many rich people, there is no dollar amount at which satisfaction slows his ambition. He wants more, more and more. The Commander reinvested the wealth generated from the pyramid scheme and won a devoted (and growing) cult of followers.

When the Commander began outfitting his newly assembled army, the clothier muffed the order, having confused it with the Second Annual Smurf Fan Convention. Instead of 5,000 camo uniforms, Cobra received 5,000 blue uniforms with white helmets. "Screw American business. Next time, I'll find a sweat shop in China," he complained. Cobra stuck with the blue, but the legal team--fearing a lawsuit from Peyo--bought a dozen cases of matching blue spray paint for the helmets.