Drink for charity

Then keep drinking

by Dave McAwesome

How's this for a recipe for disaster? I'm going to be a guest pseudo-celebrity bartender. My first order of business will be to pour myself a drink. You'll get yours as soon as I got a beer down my throat and no sooner.

If yer itchin to see me in the flesh, head over to Antarctica Bar on April 29th. I've never been there before, but I'm pretty sure it's a bar. I'm certain of it. What cause would they have to lie about their name? What gain would be had by deceiving us? We ask for so little as it is.

I'm told this is for a "good cause." More importantly, I will be pouring you drinks, and we all know what that means: I'm drowning your tonsils in hard liquor. No sissy drinks, man. No Tom Cruise Cocktail nonsense. Bring yer tweezers and exfoliating creme, cuz we're growing hair on your chest tonight.

To conclude, if you're a hot girl, come on up to the bar. If you're an ugly girl, bring your hot friends up to the bar and then go back to your corner of shame. If you want to puke, please give me a chance to help you reach that state of insobriety. That is all.