Bacon Factory

Part 1

by Zach Whalen

Zach plus 'instant messaging' equals funny. The following conversation is real. Probably. It's been cleaned up for readability. Some typos have been left in for laughability. --Dave

Zach: HELLO SIR
spectre: good day
spectre: what is oop
Zach: nothing much
Zach: what do you know about bacon?
spectre: that it comes from pigs
spectre: pork belly or something
Zach: I ask because I am starting a bacon factory, and I need a junior vice president
spectre: junior
spectre: ?
spectre: are you...slaughtering pigs
Zach: Do you think you can cut it in the HIGH INTENSITY, HIGH COMPETITIVENESS, HIGH ELECTRICITY, HIGH INTENSITY BACON BUSINESS
Zach: My robots do all the slaughtering
spectre: i don't...like being around.....dead...animals...meat....skin...peeling....fat...bloody...sick..fucks
Zach: A WARNING: THE COMPETITIVENESS IS HIGH
spectre: ok
spectre: i give up
spectre: i have a better idea
spectre: for a business
Zach: What could be better than bacon???
spectre: poop
Zach: I use only the finest cuts of swine
spectre: its a good fertilizer
spectre: and it would be virtually free to obtain
Zach: Poop is definitely "not" for me
spectre: so then you're going to give up the position of vice president of my company
spectre: ?
Zach: I give up on not producing the finest cuts of delicious bacon for all the children of the world to enjoy
Zach: I already have a vice president
Zach: He is a Frenchman
spectre: are you joining my company
Zach: I'm joining the most delicious cuts of bacon in a vortex of high competitiveness
spectre: you suck
spectre: im leaving
spectre: goodbye
Zach: My Frenchmen do all the cutting

Job openings are still available in part 2, the thrilling conclusion to Bacon Factory.