Splish Splosh

by Malfouka

I don't know about you, but I always feel dirty when selecting cucumbers at the supermarket. Cucumbers are the most deadly serious sex objects of the vegetable kingdom. I always giggle (lasciviously) when I take my pick. Their pornographic proportions and hefty hand-feel make me feel like I'm auditioning eager future lovers or a new sex toy from Good Vibrations; I've been the recipient of more than a few strange looks in the produce department. That having been said, let's talk about erotic food love, or sploshing–as those in the know call it.

We've all seen it in films and literature: lovers using food in sex play. You know, the whipped cream and chocolate, the flavoured lubes and oils, the Godiva liqueur making its own treasure trails down a lover's body; it's everywhere. Perhaps you've even done it–maybe fed your lover a tasty bite with exaggerated motions, teasing him with fork and eye games or covered yourself in honey and fruit like a continental breakfast in an upscale hotel. But, unlike the casual flavored body paint user, sploshers take sex and food to a whole new level.

The term "splosh" was coined in England by Bill Shipton, publisher of "Splosh!" magazine, and simply means the extreme use of food items in sex play. Sploshers enjoy having various substances poured over them and thrown at them, they enjoy sitting on cakes, in bowls of pudding, in gelatin, and they love the cream pie in the face as much as any aficionado of slapstick comedy. Some sploshers have sex during and after the mess-making, while others, the sexual release is found through the very act of sploshing and no further activity is required.

Hayley, co-founder of the U.K. magazine Splosh! (and who says the British are stuffy?) relates one of her first sploshing experiences:

"One of the first messy things I did was sit in a cake. It was a big creamy black forest gateau and I gently lowered my bare pussy into it. It felt incredible. Try it. Then I smeared it around and let Bill lick it off . . . . Now the frozen gateau section of the supermarket takes on a whole new meaning. I look at them assessing them for squishiness--which would feel nice between my legs! Remember to let them thaw out properly first though unless you want to freeze your principle asset."

Partner Bill Shipton adds:

"Since we set up SPLOSH! nearly 14 years ago, the subject has just got bigger and bigger. You can use practically any foodstuff you fancy...Simply splosh in what you fancy the feel of. Some like the idea of baked beans or spaghetti squishing round their bits, others enjoy sticky things likes syrups and sauces that can be licked off...It's best to start with things you like the taste of, and in fairly small quantities. And don't mix sweet and savoury. Throwing up is soooooo unseductive (don't tell that to the vomit enthusiasts)."

Sploshing, like most fetishes, is an offshoot of a larger category–in this case, "Wet and Messy." WAM is almost anything and everything messy and wet one can get into, have poured on, and roll around in. Despite this, scat and urine play are not a part of Wet and Messy. Nor is semen used as WAM material.

WAM consists of three distinct groups--with overlaps of course--water fun (or wetlook), Mudlarkers (folks who like to play in mud, clay, and quicksand), and sploshers. Many WAM'ers get off on fully clothed individuals being doused with water or sinking in quicksand and lots of WAM'ers require specific items of clothing to be worn during any type of messy fun. WAM'ers say that one of the primary thrills is in breaking the lifelong taboo of not "getting one's clothing dirty" as well as the humourous spectacle of a clothed individual being doused with or submerged in some unlikely substance. However, for many--if not most--sploshers, clothing eventually comes off to allow the skin free contact with the edible mess and her partner's body.

Sploshing has become more mainstream–thanks to the internet no doubt–and there is a booming business in sploshing videos, books, and photos. (My personal favourite videos: Desperately Soaking Susan, Cereal Killer, and Flanderella). Splosh! magazine even offers rental studios for aspiring porn sploshers to photograph and tape their sexually artistic visions. Sploshing has also made it into semi-current film thanks to John Waters' 2004 cinematic release, A Dirty Shame, and conventional media such as this article from the SF Weekly (describing a sploshing event in 2002):

"...People lie on the ground to make snow angels in the sickly sweet sludge; folks play Twister in oozing sweetness; others kiss each other in slippery corners as green frosting flies through the air; still others fingerpaint on the plastic walls and body-paint on one another; one woman slaps her yard-long braids against the walls, leaving chocolate ponytail prints. The crowd writhes and dances and laughs and squeals and wrestles into the small hours of the morning..."

So, all you would-be sploshers out there, grab your pork-n-beans and have some fun! until next time…