After many weeks of singing in a desperate struggle for success and acceptance, it all comes down to this: the chance to sing in a desperate struggle for success and acceptance for many weeks. I thought it was just goldfish that did the same thing … [Continue reading]
American Idol Hollywood: A Room with a Poo
February 11, 2009 By
Hollywood Round continues, and as Semi-Finals approach we're down to 72 lukewarm bodies. Some people, an actual few, are finally starting to become recognizable. That's a good start. But I still think they should wear the same clothes every episode, … [Continue reading]
American Idol Hollywood: A Freak By Any Other Name…
February 8, 2009 By
It's the second night of the Hollywood Round -- specifically, the always-engrossing Group Night. Seacrest promises us tears, triumphs, and tragedies. I'd also like him to promise us Jason Voorhees chasing these idiots with a machete, but alas, Ryan … [Continue reading]
American Idol Hollywood: Eye of the Liger
February 5, 2009 By
Like a plague of locusts, the Golden Ticket-holders descend upon Hollywood, California. Their goal: to suck our souls dry with their singing and their boringness and their yuck. What a non-starter crowd we have this year. A whole lot of nothing that … [Continue reading]
To the Death Star and back
February 3, 2009 By
Super Awesome Day 2008 concludes. I met an old friend at the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin. I should probably say former old friend, because, as with Boba Fett, all the fanboys flocked to Tarkin as their new favorite Star Wars character with … [Continue reading]
Facebook Causes: Choosing the Right One not to Give a Shit About.
February 2, 2009 By
For anyone who is familiar with Facebook they know that an important part of building their online profile is by joining the right causes and groups that are featured throughout the social network. This process serves a very important purpose in that … [Continue reading]
American Idol NY & PR: You Wanna Go? Go Cool!
February 2, 2009 By
To make my life a misery, they've added a "bonus" audition episode to the weekly rotation. Thanks, Fox! This one contains footage from two cities: New York and Puerto Rico. Ryan, who as we all know, loves his Broadway, gets all giddy talking about … [Continue reading]
Sober House fakeroo
January 30, 2009 By
The dirty leprechauns at Sober House have stolen my Lucky Charms...again. Every preview and commercial they showed for episode 3 was carefully, strategically plotted to build up an event that never happened. I, like an idiot couch monkey, ran to the … [Continue reading]
American Idol Utah: Yo! Flip-Flops are Cheap!
January 30, 2009 By
Tonight's show takes place in Salt Lake City, Utah, home of David Archuleta, who failed to win last season's competition, shaming himself and his father forever. Seacrest wonders if the people of Salt Lake will be as clean cut and kind as Little … [Continue reading]
American Idol Florida: Randy Jackson is a Douchebag
January 28, 2009 By
We open this episode with Ryan and Simon sitting cozily in the back seat of a car (probably not for the first time). They're driving through Florida, looking for Swamp Thing or whatever, and Simon gives Ryan crap for talking funny. I don't know what … [Continue reading]
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