Top 3: Triple Song Night
Three to be you and me
by Frank Pittarese"A high school student. An actress. And a bartender." That's Seacrest's take on what we're left with, here at the end of a very long season. I wish auditions had played out differently. Then we'd have been left with a meth head, a homeless boy, and another meth head." Far more interesting, I say. This is American Idol. Shut your eyes...don't look at it, no matter what happens.
Tonight, because Marilu Henner is in the audience, the Idols will sing three songs apiece. One will be the judge's choice, one will be the contestant's choice, and the third will be the producer's choice. Can I choose? I'd like them to declare a winner right now. I'm missing the season finale of Beauty and the Geek because of this show.
Seacrest gives some lip service, so to speak, to the Idol's hometown visits. We barely see any of that, and since I suspect we'll see it tomorrow during the filler-filled filler show of filler, I'll recap it then. I'm sure it will be riveting.
Little David's first song was chosen by Paula. It's "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel. Look, I actually like Billy Joel, but I'll tell you now, this song is awful. It is inherently boring. I'm not sure I've ever been able to get through the whole thing. I truly believe that Joel composed it so people attending his concerts can have a bathroom break. David sings it, oozing Star Search sincerity and making appropriate arm gestures to let us know that he really means it. This is a short version of the song, but it feels longer than "American Pie." Dull.
Judges. Randy says David can sing anything and that he is in the zone. Paula felt that David was a storyteller, as he sang a song that he didn't write. Simon is like, "Eh, whatevs." He thought it was just good.
Syesha Mercado will sing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys, as chosen by Randy. As usual, Syesha is vocally strong, but her performance, also as usual, is a whole lot of who cares. It's like this: in the movie Dreamgirls, you have Beyoncé, you have Jennifer Hudson, and you have the other one. Syesha, to me, is the other one. Solid, but nothing special. Nothing memorable. She doesn't pop.
Judges. Randy says Syesha did an amazing job. Paula applauds her for being the last girl standing and says she looks lovely. Woo-hoo! Achievement! Simon wishes Randy would have chosen a song where Syesha's performance wouldn't mimic the original, but I don't think Syesha has the capability not to do that, so the end result would have been the same.
David Cook is told he'll be singing...um..."The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack. As chosen by Simon. The hell?!? Why not "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy? Couldn't they get the rights? Cook makes the most of it, but the whole event is rather dreary and plodding. Then, as is his performance pattern, he steers into shouting mode. Well, his mother seems to like it. Meh.
Judges. Randy says David can sing anything, but he wishes Simon had chosen something less predictable and more rock-y. Paula says it's one of her favorite songs and now David is her second favorite person to sing it. Simon, of course, lurved it. He applauds Cook for taking a risk, like he had a choice.
Little David's choice for his second song is "With You" by Chris Brown. Never heard the song. Not familiar with the artist. This must be what the young people are listening to. So...what is this song? David is bopping around in-place, singing things like, "I need you boo/I gotta see you boo" and "Hey, little mama/oh, you're a stunner." And then there's something about kissing, like he's ever. Whatever, it still comes off as an up-with-people sorta deal, and while that's David's thing, it's more than tired at this point.
Judges. Randy likes that David tried something new and young, but he couldn't believe the "my boo" thing. Paula loved it. Simon: "It was a little bit like a chihuahua trying to be a tiger." But a stuffed tiger, manufactured by the Disney licensing department.
Syesha has chosen Peggy Lee's "Fever" as her second song. She makes a big deal about using a chair as a prop, but rather than give us some "Rhythm Nation" choreography, she just sits in it sometimes, and walks around it sometimes, and that's about it. She spends the rest of the song acting sexy and strutting stupidly about the stage, looking for the Flavor of Love auditions. This is like that time Maryann got hit on the head and thought she was Ginger, and then she put on a show, and all the castaways were like, "You go, Ging!" except that it was Maryann and she was awful and embarrassing. And then Gilligan thought he was Maryann, but that's a whole other story. I hate Syesha.
Judges. Randy thought it was a great, but he was disappointed that Syesha didn't give him a lap dance. And he just got a handful of twenties from the ATM in the lobby. Paula was surprised at the song choice. She's not sure it expressed who Syesha is as an artist. Simon co-signs that, calling it a "lame cabaret performance."
David Cook has chosen to sing Switchfoot's "Dare You to Move." I'm not familiar with the song, but it sounds like the kind of thing one might hear as a montage at the end of One Tree Hill. As always, Cook starts the song all mumbly and raspy, then he starts shouting. Isolated from the rest of his performances, it's a formula that works. But as with Little David, it's just grown tiresome. Look, I've never missed an episode of this show, but I've also never bought a CD by one of its contestants. This monotony is part of the reason.
Some woman in the audience is holding up a sign that says "Cougars 4 Cook." Might as well be "MILFs 4 Mercado." Shame on her.
Judges. Randy says it was a little pitchy. Aw...pitchy. It's like being reunited with an old friend. Paula feels like the song ended just as it was beginning. Yeah, well it's too bad there was no way for the contestants to sing two complete songs instead of three condensed ones. Simon thought it was expected. Yep. Expected. Exactly.
Little David's last song, as chosen by the producers, is "Longer" by Dan Fogelberg. Okay, seriously? I love this song. I am down with any cheesy pop song from the '70s. It's no "Don't Give Up On Us, Baby," but David sings it well. It occurs to me that he'll record an excellent Christmas album someday. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"? That's totally his speed.
Judges. Randy says that David can sing the phone book and that he's in the zone. Randy only packed a couple of Idol Critique flash cards tonight. Paula thought it was very lovely. Simon says that David sang the song well, but he hates the gooey lyrics. Still, he believes David will make it to next week's finals.
Syesha is back one more time, with her producer's choice, "Hit Me Up." It sounds like one of those jazzy Christina Aguilera songs from her recent CD, but apparently it's a song by Gia Farrell from the movie Happy Feet. Yeah, the penguin cartoon. I tried watching that on HBO, but only got about twenty minutes into it before my ears started bleeding. But you wanna hear about Syesha, don't you? She shakes her ass all over the place but sounds fine, vocally. That about covers it.
Judges. Randy says it was okay and kind of Rihanna-esque, but he doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the experience. Paula doesn't think this was "a Syesha song," either, which makes me wonder what box she's supposed to be in (aside from the out-box, that is). Simon thought it was fun and young, but it wasn't the defining, end-of-the-show song that Syesha needs.
David Cook closes the night with Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing," also known as the love theme from Armageddon. Go read any of the other Cook recaps before this one. This is that. First quiet, then screaming. This one is a little less mumbly in the front than usual, so that's something. And Cook needs to stop biting his nails. I’m just saying. It's a hi-def world, brother. We see all.
Judges. Randy says the performance was okay, but predictable. Paula babbles about Diane Warren, who wrote the song and is sitting in the audience, wondering where all the boy bands have gone. Simon...okay, first of all, he calls this "one of the great songs of all time." No. It's one of the most okay songs of all time. I'll even go for one of the most pretty good songs of all time. But great? Nah. Hell, "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" is better than this. Anyway, Simon says that David Cook won the night.
So who goes home tomorrow? Statistically, it should be Syesha. But if Little David's fanbase were ever to become complacent, it's now, and as much as I like the kid, I wouldn't mind seeing him get Doolittled tomorrow. So to speak. Cook is going nowhere.
Just three more episodes left...
-Frank
