Top 20: Girls

Song choice, song choice, song choice

by Frank Pittarese

"Millions of families are watching," intones Seacrest. Families. Like it's 1964, and this is the Ed Sullivan show. Oooh, if the Beatles are on, I'll just die. This is American Idol. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Randy says song choice is important. Know what you sing best, then hope and pray that song is on the list of three you're given to choose from -- and that nobody else picks your song first. Randy hopes the girls will show improvement. Could they be any worse than last week? Paula sums up the guys last night with "pretty fantastic...really good...very, very good." Also, hot and with nice tushies. What about Simon's remark about David Archuleta rendering the other 19 contestants miserable? It motivates them. If not, they can sit on a fork and rotate.

Continuing from last night is the clip theme of "Idol Secrets Nobody Cares About" and the song theme of the 1970s. Considering that most of the contestants were born after 1980, they could be combined into "Idols Don't Care About the 1970s." Judging from tonight's performances, that would be apt.

Carly Smithson reminds us that she's Irish by revealing that she works at an Irish pub where the customers are Irish. At this point, I would not be surprised if Carly showed up in leprechaun garb and spit shamrocks.

Dressed in basic black, she sings Heart's "Crazy On You" and rocks it out just fine, belting the big notes and sounding almost as good as the original (which I'm not a fan of, but that's neither here nor there). Carly seems comfortable on the stage, too.

Judges. Randy says it was good towards the end, but the beginning was rough. Paula can tell that Carly loves Heart, and she calls Carly "amazing." She didn't pull a rabbit out of her hat, Paula. Calm yourself. Simon thought Carly did better than last week, but he still doesn't think she's connected with the right song just yet.

Syesha Mercado's secret is that she's an actress. No shit. As if her attention-grabbing personality hadn't clued us into that weeks ago. She's done "a lot" of commercials, and we see a clip from one of them. Then, if that isn't enough, she tells us she does a "pretty good" baby cry, which she then demonstrates. How annoying must it be to sit in a room with Syesha Mercado? The police should use her as an interrogation tactic.

She performs Billy Paul's "Me and Mrs. Jones" except now it's "Mr. Jones." It's been turned from a sexy song about a secret affair into coffee shop karaoke. If Timberlake brought sexy back, Syesha smothered it with a pillow and buried it in a shallow grave. Listless. Boring. She hits some strong notes...but it's Syesha. I can't abide her.

Judges. Randy wasn't keen on the song choice. I might as well hit "control 'c'" for the number of times I'll be needing that phrase tonight. He says Syesha seemed disinterested. I'm not interested enough to go back and check. Paula liked the interpretation of the song, but says that Syesha falls off pitch with the lower notes. I wish she'd just fall off. Simon felt the song was indulgent and says it was silly for Syesha to sing it. "Okay," she responds. What. Ev.

Brooke White went to beauty school, just like Frenchy. Then she dropped out, just like Frenchy. She didn't meet Frankie Avalon, though. I did, about eight years ago. Got his autograph for me mum. Brooke sees hair as an art form.

Playing into the Carly Simon box she was put into back in Hollywood, Brooke sits on stage, strums her guitar, and sings "You're So Vain." She shoots Simon a look, because ha-ha. She sounds good. I'm hearing some kind of Tammy Wynette thing happening in her voice. Or Loretta Lynn. I always confuse them country wimmin. But I like Brooke and will support her.

Judges. Randy thought the song choice was great, but is more curious if Brooke was singing about Simon. Paula liked the familiarity she brought to the song, and Simon loved it. "It absolutely connected." And he did think the song was about him, he says.

Ramiele Malubay pronounces her name "Ray-Meel" not "Ram-a-Lay," which is how I was doing it. I like my way better, so work on that, will ya, hun? Her secret is that she did Polynesian dances as a child. She sways her hips and spins gracefully, just like Sanjaya did last year, but less girlie. His impact on this show is everlasting.

Ramiele's song is the disco classic (and yes, bitches, there is such a thing), "Don't Leave Me This Way." She still sings like a grown woman, and I'm not used to it yet, so it takes a second to adjust. This is a nice performance. Not fantastic. I feel like Ramiele could disco it up some more...maybe move around, work the stage. It's just a little flat. Stupid David Hernandez dances like it's Pride Night at Splash Bar. Sit down, fool, before you end up with Syesha on my Island of Malice.

Judges. Randy says it was rough for him...just okay, vocally. Why choose this song out of all the songs of the 70s? Here's a better one, Jackson: why did you put this song on the choice list? Paula feels that Ramiele just powered through a song with "the same notes." I'm getting the impression that Paula would really dig the sound of a xylophone falling down a flight of stairs. So many notes!! Simon has heard that song so many times "at ghastly weddings" (and the baths) that he's over it. He does, however, think that Ramiele is terrific.

Kristy Lee Cook thinks America would be surprised that she's a tomboy. She loves fishing, softball, camping, and horseback riding. And maybe k.d. lang and flannel? What are you trying to say, Kristy? We're all adults here.

She awkwardly stumbles forth to sing Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good." I'll say this: Kristy looks fabulous. The silvery, space-age top she's wearing hugs all the right curves. And she's less robotic than last week. Guess Seacrest broke the oilcan out from his wicker basket. Vocally, Kristy is bland, and entertainment-wise, she's as exciting as waiting for clothes to dry.

Judges. Randy says this was 100 percent better than last week, despite the lack of breakout moments. And "it was pretty in-tune." Paula liked the song choice. It was "in the pocket." Simon worries that he doesn't know how to label Kristy yet, but suggests she go "down the country route" so she can "make a statement." Having labels is what sets us apart from the animals.

Amanda Overmyer is a bookworm. She likes reading biographies and some other stuff I'll never hear about, thanks to my cable glitching up. Currently, she's reading a book about the music business. High hopes and all that jazz.

Okay, first, we must discuss the hair. It's all blown back with the bleached bits brushed backwards into wild streaks over the teased-out dark part. She looks like the Common Law Bride of Frankenstein. And she's wearing some crazy rocker get-up, courtesy of Robbie Carrico's costume trunk. Amanda sings Kansas' "Carry On Wayward Son" at us, rather than for us. Like, if we don't listen, she'll slap the white off our teeth. She dances all herky-jerky. The seizure meds are not working. Vocally...hurmm...like the rest of the Amanda package, it ain't pretty. Till now, we've only ever heard her shout-sing. Now, when she's called upon to carry us through a standard verse, her voice gets pitchy and goes out of tune whenever she gets near her lower register. Plus, she's singing with some weird Elvis-had-a-stroke inflection. And she likes adding the word "child" at the end of things, pronouncing it as "chowd." Last week, I called her a hot mess. This week, that mess is boiling.

Judges. Randy says it wasn't the right song choice. There's way too much melody in it for a "bluesy girl" In other words, Amanda shouldn't sing songs that involve actual singing. Paula compliments Amanda's dance moves. So she took the seizure meds. Paula tells Amanda she's needed in this competition. Simon says everything about Amanda is contrived: the hair, the outfit, the works. "I really, really didn't get that." Then Paula, awesomely, is like, "Try not wearing so much makeup, sweets, because your shit is harsh."

Oh, my God, you guys! Alaina Whitaker is my new best friend!! Her secret is that she doesn't like different foods on her plate to touch each other. Ha! Just the other night, I was saying how, like, I need to buy those segmented paper plates, so the mashed potatoes wouldn't touch the veg, and the juice from the meat wouldn't infect the potatoes. Because, ewww. Alaina understands! "I don't like it," she skeeves. There she goes, putting her Chinese food in one of those segmented plates and pushing it around to be sure it's not touching. Why couldn't you be a boy, Alaina Whitaker, so I could marry you in Canada?

Unfortunately, she's chosen to sing "Hopelessly Devoted to You" from Grease. Technically, it's from the '70s, but because the play/movie is a period piece, it doesn't feel like a '70s song. If she wanted to sing some Olivia, "Let Me Be There" would be a nice choice, and "Have You Never Been Mellow," even better. Why doesn't anybody ask me about this stuff beforehand? So anyway, Alaina just sounds okay. The song is slow...almost lifeless. There's not much you can do with it, really. And some of Alaina's big notes go wonky. Meh.

Judges. Randy doesn't think Alaina chose the right song. It was too restrained. Paula thinks she did "a real good job," but I think she's just trying to make Alaina feel better. Simon says Alaina is old-fashioned, like her grandma prepared her for this. Then he calls her a horse. Oh wait, he says she's the dark horse in this competition. I voted for Alaina a few times. Just letting you know.

Man, how many people are left? Can I go home now?

Alexandréa Lushington says she was the poster child for the Atlanta Fire Department, singing patriotic songs at award ceremonies and the like. This one time, she sang at Ground Zero. That would be after 9/11, because before would've been, like, crazy foreshadowing. And...oh, she's done talking already. Wow.

She's back in her boy(ish) clothes this week -- guess her makeover permit expired -- and singing Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now." It's a lovely song which reminds me of my childhood, back in olden times. I wasn't even in color until 1971. Alexandréa, whom I like, is not wowing me here. She's not bringing anything special to the song, turning it into another stand-and-sing. Her voice isn't powerful or distinct enough to make this memorable. Too bad, really.

Judges. Randy wants to know what Alexandréa thinks. "It's over!" Word, girlfriend. He thinks the song choice was too safe for her. Paula says she's never heard a female take on that song, so...okay. Simon thinks Alex is struggling, then knocks the song because it's "absolutely stuck in its time period" of the 1970s of which this episode is themed. Then he says Alex was boring.

Kady Malloy reminds us that she can impersonate Britney, Christina, and Shakira, but also, she can sing opera. Real opera. Pat Benatar initially studied opera and went on to great things. Kady Malloy...well, there she is, singing opera in the bathroom while staring at the mirror like a crazy person.

Her song is Heart's "Magic Man." She comes singing down the stairs with blood in her eyes. Then she almost trips, which would have been both sad and highly entertaining. This is better than last week. There's still a meanness in Kady's face, but I don't think it's intentional, so I'll back off. I won't back off the fact that, at times, she sings like she's gargling. Still, points for trying, and for what this song is, she does well with it.

Judges. Randy loves the song, but not that song for Kady. She never found the notes...? I don't understand. Paula likes the way Kady sings opera, but she needs to define herself as an artist. Simon didn't like the way she sang from the back of her throat, and is bothered that she chose "a song I've never heard before." The hell? Cowell, if you're going to maintain any vague illusion of credibility, do not say things like that out loud.

Asia'h Epperson surprises us with the news that she was a cheerleader. This affliction dates back through middle and high school. It's a lot like Idol, she says, getting out in front of a crowd and showing some spirit.

She sings Eric Carmen's "All By Myself," except that like every other contestant in the history of this show, she sings the Celine Dion version which I hate like poison. If it were possible to kick a song's ass, I would engage this one with my foot, forthwith. Asia'h had her hair flattened and extended, which might help distinguish her from Syesha a bit. They're the same basic type, and the last thing Asia'h needs is for people to think of her as the annoying one. For some reason, she's dressed like a secretary from the late 1940s. Her voice totally bails on her for one frightening moment, but she sets it right, and as much as I hate this song (or this version of...), she pushes past it to knock out the big notes at the end.

Judges. Randy knows Asia'h was sick last week, but she did a really good job. Paula points out that Asia'h had problems with the low parts, but gives her the thumbs up. Simon is like, "This is a diva song. You've got to be incredible. You're not that incredible." And, mean as he is, he's right. These kids should know what they're capable of doing. It's not like they never sang a note before this show, right?

And that concludes tonight's opus.

Who goes home? Kristy and Amanda should go home. I'm not a fan of the former and have had all I can take of the latter. They'll probably survive because my life is never that easy. So I must fear for my girls Alaina and Brooke. Alaina because she's not standing out enough and Brooke because she's goofy, and ultimately, disposable.

We'll find out tomorrow. Or whenever I write the next recap.

What's "song choice" again...?
-Frank