Maximum Suck

I'd probably like Pearl Jam more if they had a cool name like that.

by Dave McAwesome

I found this band one day while I was looking for cool URLs. I thought, hey, what would be the second coolest URL to Maximum Awesome? Maximum Suck, naturally. Disappointed at first that I would not have to opportunity to ruin the URL myself, I was relieved that the endeavor was in good hands already. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt or an ounce of hyperbole, that Maximum Suck is a band. There may or may not be a space between the two words, but I didn't bother confirming that.

Dave: Are you aware that you have the best band name ever?
Jason: Well, we'd like to think it is. It is definitely the most truthful name ever. We don't hide behind some fucking one word moniker like "spit" or "bile" (although those would be good band names). Honestly it was a toss up between "MaximumSuck," "12 inch Gimli" and "Itchy Discharge." We went with the family friendly option.

Dave: Three-part question...How'd you come up with the name? Secondly,...uh ...yeah, that's just a one-part question.
Jason: Well, to answer your first part: Ben (the bassist) and I were roommates many years ago. We would get real high and play the stupidest songs ever on his acoustic guitar. We called ourselves MaximumSuck. Only when we said it, we did it with the movie-guy announcer voice. It seemed way cooler then; it was probably the drugs. To answer your second part, hey that's a one-part question!

Dave: At what point will you be implementing complex dance choreography into your live act? Half-naked male dancers need to eat, dammit.
Jason: We already have. We have several guys come up on stage, they are wearing grass skirts, they start fires with old musical instruments and throw chicken bones at it. It is truly a sight to behold, and we've only lost one musician as a result. So it's a win-win for everyone involved.

Dave: Multiple choice: You guys started a band for the following reason: (a) chicks, (b) an excuse to get a tattoo, or (c) for the sole purpose of abusing roadies.
Jason: a plus b equals c. No band needed. Roadies are there for the sole purpose of abuse. That's what makes them roadies. We have one roadie. His name is Dave.

Dave: I haven't really asked about your music yet, so...uh...how 'bout that music?
Jason: Well for the longest time we called ourselves "Stupid Core" but now we're more "Stupid Rock." If the subject doesn't involve killing people, crackwhores, drugs or sex, we probably didn't write it.

Dave: Form a mathematical equation that describes your music. (For example, Blink 182 equals NOFX minus talent minus punk cred plus whining divided by Green Day.)
Jason: Great example, NOFX is one of my favorites. MaximumSuck equals Weird Al Yankovic reunion tour plus Guns N Roses (minus Axl Rose) and divided by The Germs.

Dave: The musician you'd most like to beat up is...?
Jason: The musician we'd most like to beat up is John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and Jason Mraz. I know it seems like three different people, but we believe they are all really the same guy.

Dave: How about Moby? What's his deal? He looks like he could use a good beating with a sack of batteries.
Jason: Moby probably deserves a beating, but at least he keeps to himself. Besides, where would Eminem be without Moby to pick on.

Dave: Which member of the band is most likely to die in a messy, vomit-centric drug overdose? And why hasn't this happened yet?
Jason: Ben. He is still alive because we haven't toured yet. Once we do though, he's a gonner.

Dave: You ever met Woodrow Wilson, the 28th president?
Jason: Only in my fantasies. Ooh man was he a sexy one.

Dave: Tuning one's instrument before a show is considered (a) snobbish, (b) necessary to complete the gossamer tapestry that comprises our complex melodies, or (c) ...wait...instruments can be TUNED?
Jason: Before a show? During man, DURING!!! We like to tune at least three songs in.

Dave: When are you doing the big Dark Side of the Moon-type concept album? And what will the concept be?
Jason: We are working on that right now. It's all about the life of a crack addicted dog who has to hump human women for money. Our first song is entitled "Dog Law." The chorus is "Eat, shit, sleep and if it smells good, mount it."

Dave: What was your favorite action figure growing up?
Jason: My GI Joe Snake Eyes. He was a bad ass.

Dave: Which Snake Eyes? There were like 17 of 'em.
Jason: The white one, like he was the snowy Snake Eyes.

Dave: Oh, yeah, you mean Storm Shadow.
Jason: Ya, Storm Shadow was a bad ass.

Dave: If you could have a new, unique action figure of anything, what would it be?
Jason: Oh I've already got it. My Drew Barrymore from Charlie's Angels. The flesh is soft and it even has nipples. I love that thing. However, if I had to choose a new one, it probably be Dick Cheney (with briefcase of cash, oil barrel, and insurgent's head included.) Then I would put it up my ass and send it to him.

Dave: Plug yer shit.
Jason: Please, go to our website, Maximum Suck. Look around, download some shit and shoot us an email. Tell us we suck. We like that a lot.