Zombie Pope

by Dave McAwesome

Just when you thought this couldn't get any stupider...it gets stupider.

Ex-pope John Paul II is alive...or, at least, undead. After months entombed and exposed to the ravages of flesh-eating bacteria, sacramental worms and the horrible fashion sense of the clothiers who attend the Papacy, John Paul II ("the deuce" we liked to call him) has risen to begin his second reign on earth.

George Romero fans are, understandably, excited by this development.

Bow down, ye of little faith, to Zombie Pope. Zombie Pope is old-school when it comes to worshipping in his church. Not only does he do a Latin Mass, but if you don't sing loud enough during the hymnals, he'll bite yer face off. To be sure, participating in the Eucharist (snacking on Hosties and sacramental wine) is a chancey endeavor. Many a parishioner has lost a finger or worse reaching for a communion wafer.

As during the protracted fall of Rome, the Church is once again divided. The Ratzenbergists for the living, flesh and blood pope, and the Zombrarians who gather fresh brains for their preternatural pontiff.

It is a troubled time to be a Catholic. We've managed to secure some grainy footage of Zombie Pope. Click for the flick

Did we mention this is but a prologue to War on the Floor II?