Dave McAwesome vs. the Lottery

$12 million buys a lot of cigarettes

by Dave McAwesome

Dave: I realize it's a bad idea, but things are going so well lately that I'm considering playing the lottery.
Bart Swillington: Which one?
Dave: Mega Millions. The big one. I don't screw around, compadre.
Bart Swillington: I could see doing that. Maybe when it gets to 100 million.
Dave: Why not today?
Bart Swillington: What's the jackpot at?
Dave: $12 million.
Bart Swillington: That sucks.
Dave: Well, someone just won it, and the minimum jackpot is $12 mi--...did you just say it 'sucks'?
Bart Swillington: Yeah. Phht. $12 million.
Dave: Did you just 'phht' at 12 million bucks?
Bart Swillington: All I'm saying--
Dave: Is your salary more or less than $12 million?
Bart Swillington: No, look--
Dave: Is your salary more or less than $12 million?
Bart Swillington: That's not the point.
Dave: More or less? Answer the goddamn question, man.
Bart Swillington: $12 million is nothing. Wait for the big jackpot.
Dave: Are you implying that I'm going to blow $12 million in a year and not be able to save one penny?
Bart Swillington: Eh, I'll wait for 100 million.
Dave: I can't believe you're scoffing at 12 million bucks. You, sir, are off your gourd. I don't necessarily know what you were doing on your gourd in the first place, but you are most certainly off it.
Bart Swillington: What my gourd and I do is none of your business.
Dave: Assuming one does not repeatedly (and the key word here is 'repeatedly') drive crap-ass Eurotrash sports cars into trees, you should be able to live a fairly respectable existence on 12 million smackers.
Bart Swillington: What if I want a yacht?
Dave: If you're dumb enough to spend 12 mill on a yacht, I hope you'll have the decency to buy it from McAwesome Shipyards Limited.
Bart Swillington: Of course.
Dave: Excellent. We just incorporated. You'll be our biggest client.