The Daily Bitch vs. Ask a Pothead
Just like every single promo for NBC's "ER," I can truly say in a deep announcer-type voice: "tonight, on a very special episode of Blog Thunderdome..." Aka_Monty from The Daily Bitch and Chronic from Ask a Pothead reviewed each other's blogs (and their own). Instead of injecting their own snarkiness, our judges simply sat back to watch the carnage (as you are about to do) before delivering their verdicts. Both bloggers were encouraged to solicit help from their readers. Aka_Monty rounded up a (let's borrow a word from Malfouka here) rhumba of accomplices. Chronic took the road solo.

Chronic on The Daily Bitch:
Since I epitomize everything that is the stoner/slacker stereotype, I'm starting at 9:00 the night before the deadline and writing it at work.

Aka_Monty shares her stories and recaps the daily events in her life, her views on assorted current events. This is the format for success in the blogverse...It's what EVERY blog out there does. The Daily Bitch appeals to a broad variety of readers: from the 5th grade student with the parental filter locked on his computer to the 34-year-old mom who set that blocker, to the 64-year-old spinster who plans her schedule around CBS's line-up. Its tame content conforms to the blogger norm of tales of children, work, and the chronic boredom associated with parenthood. While aka_Monty has a good sense of humor and an ability to highlight it in any situation, the unfortunate circumstances of motherhood and living in Oklahoma mean that her chances of happening upon a situation that's genuinely interesting or entertaining on its own are severely limited.

To tell the truth, the color scheme doesn't bother me at all. I really don't care about layout, I'm much more concerned about content. Some criticized her lengthy blogroll, but I'd actually say that blogrolls serve to define an authors humor for a reader by showcasing similar humor, or humor that the author finds appealing.

Chronic On his own blog:
Ask A Pothead, like most of my ideas, came to me after a joint. I'd been blogging for six months or so when the idea struck me. I'd had fun ranting and raving about politics, and enjoyed recapping some of my more interesting experiences of the past few years, but I quickly ran out of material about which to blog without resorting to CNN.com for material every morning or talking about the boring facts of everyday life. I found my own blog had become just like everyone else's. Ask A Pothead was my solution.

I'm well-aware of many of the weak points of my blog, so I guess I may as well go for the pre-emptive Eminem-style I'll-tell-you-how-much-my-stuff-sucks-before-you-can-dis-it rap. Here goes:

Everybody in tha thundadome
picture Eminem as you sing along at home
everybody in tha thundadome
read read

Now while my blog seems juvenile
Ya' know it makes ya chuckle, or you're in denial.
I'm on blog-trial
you know I got a unique style.

It doesn't take a genius, see
to insult someone's B L O G
It is dumb, it is sophomoric and simple
It's questions about a warts herpes and pimples
I do smoke ganja at the weed temple
I write about herb and hash and all things hemp-al.
It's boring and repetitive and goes un-updated
the pot thing's too prominent and way overstated
I do leave the people who write questions feelin degraded
and I never write sober, I'm always quite faded.

I'm a slacker, I don't spell check, I leave out words when I type,
It's a 30 second mind-fuck that doesn't live up to the hype.
I'm on the pipe.
...and the humor's not ripe.
aimed at teens and potheads and fratboys and stoners
I make adolescent jokes about boobies and boners,
gettin' too stoned on bong-rips and coners
I killed all my brain cells, now I'm lookin' for donors.

I have no idea what prompted the whole Eminem thing there, it just kinda happened. Anyway, I know that the humor at ask a pothead is low-brow, I know I'm repetitive. I know many people could never appreciate the marijuana angle. I know I update way too infrequently (but that's because I work 50 hours a week, and maintain a few other projects that take up considerable time). At any rate, I guess that concludes my entry...and stuff.

Aka_Monty on her own blog:
She's right about one thing she put in the dreaded "About Me" section: It is an unqualified mediocrity. First, that template. Orange and brown? Could she get any more dull, dull dull? She gets a bonus point for immediately fixing the hideous blue and purple links, but loses half that point for sticking with the shit-brown. And could those posts be any longer? I'm no fan of the "click here to read more" bullshit, but I sure wish she'd learn how to use them. After the first post, I would have known NOT to 'click here.' Or anywhere.

This chick is the poster child for "People Who Try Too Hard." It's one of those dime-a-dozen 'sunshine-lollipops-rainbows-and-can't-we-all-play-nice?' blogs...how utterly pathetic. You can actually hear the desperate cries of "I'm a loser with no real friends, please, won't someone LIKE ME? Just LIKE ME!" Sad, really. Just...sad. It made me want to scoop my eyes out with a rusty spoon. After some digging, I did find a semi-interesting post on feminism, which only proves she's had at least the one original thought. The rest, while occasionally amusing, is nothing more than typical, mindless drivel.

Tommy: Okay, sure, she has the two-tone crap shit brown color (at least one of them is in need of a bit more fiber, if you ask me). Yes, I have to cut and paste the text into word just so I can read whatever she writes (it's not like I have a life it's interfering with). I don't have anything nice to say about anyone that has a neopet either, although having gone through putting my own damn dog to sleep yesterday morning, I'm at least willing to admit there might be a bit of an advantage to a pet like that.

Brandon: The Daily Bitch...by another ‘anonymous’ blogger who hides her name, but posts her photo and state. Well, at least it’s original. I mean she’s a woman blogger, and she’s ‘fairly neurotic’ and ‘frequently depressed.’ You just don’t see that in this day and age, and by this day and age I mean 14 years ago. Yes, you will have to physically transport yourself back in time to when WordPerfect documents were typed on a blue screen to read this without severing the optic nerve that keeps your eyes from rolling completely around in their sockets. Of course, that’s not to say she’s not technologically adept. She has an ‘alias.’ No one could possibly deduce her real identity in the great big metropolis of ‘Midwest City.’ That would be Midwest City, Oklahoma. Please. Take her photo to any truck stop along I-35 and I guaran-goddamn-ty that 6 burly men in flannel will cover their eyes in shame and reach for their penicillin.

For just this one time, could we please change the Blog Thunderdome slogan to 'Two Blogs Enter. NO blog leaves. And all the world rejoices.'

Daily Bitch on Ask a Pothead
aka_monty: The layout was nice: very clean, nice colors, nice setup. Damn shame the content doesn't do it justice. I can understand why Pothead doesn't update more. I'm sure watching 'Samurai Jack' reruns on the Cartoon Network can be really riveting. Pothead also loses an assload of points for having a myspace.com. Whilst the Pothead is mildly comical on about every fifth or sixth post, I can't for the life of me understand why people claim it is 'unique'. Making fun of celebrities? Celebrity impersonations? It's been done. And OVERdone. By every two-bit comic wannabe and late night talk show host, as long as ever there have BEEN celebrities. Cheech & Chong did it better. Hell, Cheech Kadzinsky who grew up down the street from me did it better.

Ashley: If you can get past the clumsy grammar and spelling, Ask A Pothead delivers everything an angsty teen could want; piles of poo jokes, and more Michael Jackson lines than you can shake a child at.

Ivy: The background reminds me of a strip of toilet paper running down the middle of an ugly gray sidewalk. I keep scrolling down and down, trying to find the little cardboard tube at the end. Broken promises, just like a pothead. Chronic only gives his opinion after I trudge through all the answers from celebrities and made up characters. I kept trying to read to give Pothead a fair shot, but I kept nodding off and drooling all over the keyboard.

Verdict:
To quote one of our illustrious judges on the winning blog, "it's the usual drivel, but at least it's not incoherent drivel." High praise indeed. Such kind words were dittoed by a vast majority of the Holy Order. Special thanks to TJ, Evil Minx, Malfouka and the good Captain for weighing in. On this the 30th day of November, 2005, Ask a Pothead is hereby banned for two months. Chronic, your Trial of the Damned, should you choose to accept it, is the following: re-arrange the lyrics from your rap song into the following four genres of music: country, punk, bee bop jazz, and Grateful Dead (circa their 1970 Workingman's Dead album). Post the results in the forum, and your sentence will be commuted to one month. Graphics for the winner and loser.

The Holy Order of Thunderdome hath spoken.