NBA All-Stars

Misfit Mafia variant

by Adam Brown

At the core of every great NBA all-star lies a talent that transcends scoring, passing and shot blocking. That talent, of course, is the ability to spawn illegitimate kids at the rate of dozens per month. In the annals of NBA history, none have excelled at baby making more than Shawn Kemp and Calvin Murphy. These two retired NBA legends have been galavanting around Misfitopia irresponsibly knocking up any and every groupie they come into contact with, enjoying all of the thrills that come with making a kid and eschewing all of the responsibility that comes with raising them. The groupies are fed up! Can they put an end to this parade of bastard-making by successfully enforcing child support on these cocksmen, or will Shawn and Calvin knock up the whole town and disappear, just like in so many towns before?

Possible Roles:

Shawn Kemp and Calvin Murphy - Attempt to impregnate everyone in town without being hit with the bane of any pro athelete's existince, child support. Who gets knocked up is determined in the secret forum. The impregnated groupie is banished from the game. If either player is successfully stuck with a child support order, they skip town (of course) and are out of the game. Prior to the start of each day, a decision must be made in the secret forum as to who gets protection from the legal team for that day.

Groupies - The groupies discuss amongst themselves in the game thread to decide who to slap with a child support order. The chosen player skips town and is banished from the game. The goal is to run the NBA All-Stars out of town before they have a chance to impregnate everybody. If only Seattle, Cleveland and Portland had been so lucky.

Pharmacist - Works the same way as the doctor. Protects one groupie of their choosing per day by way of administering one morning after pill to protect against unwanted pregnancy. Decision on who to protect must be PM'd to the game leader before day's end.

Baby Mama - Works the same way as the cop. PMs the game leader each day with the name of a player that they wish to administer a paternity test to. The game leader will reply with a positive or negative result.

Fire Crotch - Just like a regular groupie with one minor difference...they have syphilis. Fire Crotch will be banished from the game as usual if the All-Stars choose them for impregnation. But, one All-Star (randomly chosen by game leader) will perish also as a result of their newfound and untreated affliction. Fire Crotch is only infected as long as there are two All-Stars still in the game.

Maury Povich - Seeks out the NBA All-Stars by way of a paternity test administered to the player of their choosing. The decision on who to test will be PM'd to the game leader. If the result is positive, the NBA All-Star is served a child support order and skips town. If the test result is negative OR if the test is administered to an All-Star under the protection of the legal team, the tested player remains in the game and no mention is made of it in the summary for that day. Only one test allowed per game. It sorta works like a vigilante who can only kill mobsters.

The Legal Team - The legal team is a special tool available to the NBA All-Stars for as long as BOTH (as in two) of them are in the game. When one of them is run out of town, the legal team is no longer available to the other. The role of the legal team is to protect the chosen All-Star from positive paternity test results. A decision must be made in the secret form prior to the start of each day as to who will be protected by the legal team. That player will be immune to the powers of Maury Povich for the remainder of that day.