Paranoid Psycho Jealousy

by Frank Pittarese

Dear Frank,
I'm 34, have been living with my 29 year-old partner, "Ted," for six years. I have a male friend that also has a lot in common with my partner, and the three of us spend many evenings together at our house, talking and watching movies and stuff. Lately I've begun to notice Ted and my friend getting rather physical. A hug hello and good-bye, slight rough-housing, that sort of thing. I don't like to think of myself as a jealous person, but I'm starting to wonder if there's something going on between them. Do I voice my concerns to my Ted--or my friend--and risk making things awkward between us in the future, or should I bite my tongue and have more faith in my boyfriend (and my buddy)?
–Crazed in California

Quite Frankly: Dude, paranoid much? If "Ted" and your buddy were having an affair, do you really think they'd wave it around in your face? Isn't it more likely that they'd remain distant whenever you're around, for fear of getting caught? Or maybe they think that you'll never catch on. Maybe they're having some fun at your expense. Maybe this is a case of hiding in plain sight. Either way, you're gonna need more to go on than just a few "concerns." If you're wrong, and get all confrontational on your partner's cheating ass, you'll be made out to be the villain--not him and his rough-housing boyfriend. So get sneaky on 'em. "Accidentally" leave a tape recorder or camcorder running the next time your pal is over--and then exit the room for a few minutes (tell them you have to take a dump or something equally as time-consuming). If anything's happening, not only will it be confirmed on tape, but you'll have something to entertain them both during your big Melrose Place "I caught you bitches and here's the proof" moment. (But I'm sure there's nothing going on between the two of them. No. Really.)