Cinderfella

by Frank Pittarese

Dear QF,
Meeting girls is hard enough, but whenever I do things go well: talking, laughing, touching, smiling--all the positive body language things. By the end of the night, however, the coach turns into a pumpkin and I'm left with not so much as a glass slipper. Am I misreading the signals? Or does the hypothesis that "women are nuts" hold true?
--Cinderfella in Singleville

Quite Frankly:
I think I've said this before, Cinder. Women are indeed nuts. What you describe is fairly typical. You go out with a girl, pay for a meal, maybe a movie and some drinks, and everything is great. Then, after you're a hundred bucks in the hole, you find yourself going home alone without so much as a callback the next day. This is because (and let the hate mail begin), many women (not all, people, I'm saying many) like the notion of a "free ride." Sure they like to date, but they're looking for Mr. Perfect, and for them perfect usually translates into "financially successful with a dose of handsome," but despite having these objectives, they'll gladly take advantage of the time, kindness and, of course, generosity, of any guy who's personable, smart, reasonably attractive and has a few bucks to spend. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not misreading signals—rather, false signals are being sent. Now you might say I'm wrong. "Women aren't nuts, Frank. You're saying they're greedy." Ah...but you see, try mentioning any of this to a woman and you'll see what I mean by their reaction. Shelled, unsalted, nuts.