Bartender Lust

by Frank Pittarese

Dear Frank,
I've a question about bartenders. Are they off limits? What's the protocol for hitting on them? Do you ever have a chance? Or are they just humoring me for a bigger tip? What can I say to let them know I'm not just another jerk with a pickup line (even if I am)?
--Drunkenly Desperate

Quite Frankly:
Ah, you poor unfortunate soul.

I think "bartender lust" is fairly common--so common, in fact, that unless you're an incredibly charming supermodel, you're probably barking up the wrong tree.

Here's how it works: Bartenders like to make money . . . specifically tips (good call there!). If they're rude to you, they get no business and they make no money. Instead they smile, chat, and maybe even pay for a round of drinks. Sweet, no? And it makes the cute ones all the more attractive. I'm not saying to that they’re doing this with any malice—most of the bartenders I've met have been really cool people. But the thing is, these folks get hit on all the time. Imagine being at work and every five minutes someone comes up to your desk and asks you out. Got it? Okay, now try again, but this time try to imagine that you're just a little bit tired of it, and it's going to take someone outstanding to light your fire. Got it now? Good. You're thinking like a bartender.

That said, they're not off limits. You never know, you might click with 'em. I'd say the protocol is: be friendly, be alert enough to know when they're not interested (there's nothing sadder than someone who becomes a regular at a bar just so they can moon over the bartender), and, above all else, don't be a perv. Good luck to you.