Bachelor Poison

by Frank Pittarese

Dear Frank,
I'm a single gay man in his twenties who's fairly good-looking, smart, and well-to-do. It's not too difficult to get a date, whether it's at the clubs or parties. My big problem isn't meeting guys, but how to end a relationship!

I've just gotten back into the dating scene after a four-year relationship. Every guy I've gone out with seems to have had the best time of his life on the date. They call me constantly, send me e-mails and send me flowers. This is a huge turn-off for me. My friends all think I'm crazy, but if there's no challenge, it just makes me lose interest.

The trouble is, I find it impossible to break things off. I'll try and make my lack of interest obvious by being unavailable for dates for weeks in a row, but the calls just seem to keep coming. It usually takes a minimum of two months of unreturned phone calls for them to get the message.

My friends all accuse me of being a jerk, or as they call me, "bachelor poison." I, however, don't feel I need to put both myself and them through the embarrassment after only a handful of dates. At what point does an official break-up become necessary? Two months? Two weeks? A single date?
--Not Ready, Not Willing and Unable

Quite Frankly: Wow, you must really be some looker if guys are calling for two months at a stretch before getting the hint that you're strictly one-night-stand material. Not that there's anything wrong with being the love 'em and leave 'em type, but if you want to save yourself from all this (ahem) harassment, I suggest you be honest with your dates from the beginning. Tell them that you're not looking for a serious relationship, that you're only out for a good time, and they shouldn't invest too much time and emotion in you.

Still, something tells me that you like--and possibly even crave--all this attention. There's something to be said for receiving nice gifts and having guys tripping over themselves trying to win your Love Lotto. It's a happy little ego boost. I'm not saying there's any sort of malice behind your dating woes, but what I'm seeing is: good looking guy + low self esteem = need for positive reinforcement. Unfortunately, that reinforcement is costing a few broken hearts (not to mention some expensive bills from 1-800-FLOWERS). Just something to think about.